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You are Here: Home > Resumes > Resume and Letter Center > Sample Resumes > Sample Student Resume for Graduate School Admission (Finance) - Critique

Sample Student Resume for Graduate School Admission (Finance) - Critique

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About this Sample Resume Critique

In this sample resume critique, the certified professional resume writer at ResumeEdge explains the process of creating the client's "after" resume from the client's "before" resume.Sample Resume

So that you may easily compare them to judge the quality of ResumeEdge's work, both the "before" and "after" sample resumes are linked below. They are also linked from the Sample Resumes page.Sample Resume

Sample Resume Critique

Dear Janice,

As requested in your email, I used Design 1 for your resume, gearing it towards graduate school application for an M.S. in Mathematical Finance.

I began your resume by centering and bolding your name increasing the font size so that it would stand out from the rest of the text. For your address, I used the one listed on your old resume as the address in your email was spelled differently. I then placed your most important contact information (phone number and email) flush left and flush right, respectively, so that an admissions director could easily locate this data.

In the body of the resume for your Qualifications Summary, I described you as an industrious (diligent), bilingual Banking Professional, then stated that you're seeking entrance into a graduate program for an M.S. in Mathematical Finance.

Next, I wrote of your accomplished background that includes, ".ranking first in Japan Exchange Bank's Money Management Specialist Exam with subsequent appointment to Junior Money Management Specialist, passing the CFA Level II Exam, obtaining Registered Fund Manager status, and leading the Mathematics Education Department female students at Japan International University."

It's important to put your accomplishments up front. Admissions directors are busy and generally won't read an entire resume if the Qualifications Summary doesn't attract their interest. In this case, the admissions director knows instantly that you're an achiever and that you are committed to higher education as evidenced by the exams you took.

Next, I wrote of your linguistic capabilities in Japanese and English, then your computer skills.

In the Professional Experience section, I enlarged the name of your employer - Japan Exchange Bank - then listed your jobs. Here, I also began each bullet point with the strongest action verb possible while also revising text for clarity, conciseness, and maximum impact.

For example, you wrote:

"Monitor whether traders' deals conform to all applicable laws, rules, and regulations."

(then you wrote in your email) "Co-responsible for fund operations and monitoring funds, composed of stock, bond, and other securities worth about US8 billion dollars."

I revised that to read:

"Ensure legal compliance of trader deals for funds worth US$8 billion."

By using the word "legal," I eliminated the redundancy inherent in "laws, rules, and regulations," since they all mean basically the same thing. Too, by adding the $8billion figure, I have created interest in this task.

In another example, you wrote:

".monitoring and researching market trends for improved risk-adjusted performance."

I revised that to read:

".improved risk-adjusted performance by monitoring and researching market trends."

Admissions directors want to know what you did ("improved risk-adjusted performance"), then how you did it ("by monitoring and researching market trends.").

In several instances I changed the positioning of the bullets, putting the more important activity first.

I ended your resume with the Education section. Here, I listed your Bachelor of Science first. This is standard in the industry. No matter when your degree date, it is still listed first because it is the most important of your academic credentials. Any other training, including your course for the Registered Fund Manager Exam, is listed after the degree.

The only item I excluded on the resume was that you were a member and accounting secretary for the SNU Shooting Club. Space considerations were one reason - to include it would have caused the resume to run to two pages when admissions director far prefer, and at times insist upon, a one-page resume. Too, this membership isn't critical to your stated goal of entrance into a graduate program.

All decisions to modify or exclude data were in keeping with the guidelines and standards set forth by the Professional Association of Resume Writers (PARW). With this resume you now have a powerful tool that's well organized and filled with pertinent data, while also being aesthetically pleasing.

It was a pleasure serving you, Janice. Best of luck in all your future endeavors.

ResumeEdge Editor
Certified Professional Resume Writer (CPRW)

Let ResumeEdgeResumeEdge Professional Resume Writing give your resume and cover letter an edge!

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